Single Mom, You Are Truly Amazing!

                Being a single mom has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I can say that it has made me a better person. But..... at the same time, it has taken a toll on me physically and mentally.  I never thought that I would be a single mom, and then it happened. I commend all of the single moms out there, especially the ones who struggle with mental illnesses.

                I will say that I have learned a lot about myself and who I am as a person. Regardless of the experiences that I have had, I AM STILL HERE. It’s been a long journey, although my child is only four years old. I have had my moments where I have been suicidal or wanted to just run away and leave everyone and everything behind. Call me selfish but until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you will not understand. I really don’t expect you to, either.

                Every morning when I wake up and see my son, I’m stare at him. I’m still in denial and haven’t accepted the fact that he is here. It’s still hard for me to accept that I will never again, get to be alone and enjoy my solitude. Something that helped me to rejuvenate myself after being around others. I will never again get to go out alone whenever I please. I have a permanent companion attached to my hip at all times. I will miss out on opportunities and I will miss out on enjoying life in my 20s.

                People like to talk about single moms and say things like “maybe you should’ve kept your legs closed” or “you should’ve gotten an abortion”. It sickens me because everyone does not know my story nor am I willing to share it. Had it been that easy, I probably would’ve been in a much better place in life. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to where I was alone and happy with myself. Back to the times where I avoided men at all costs because I knew what they were capable of. It’s okay though, I will teach my son not to be like his father. Not to be like these men who are the scum of the earth and believe things should go their way. Teach him to respect women. Respect their mind and body.

                The worst part is, because I am a single mom, it is also a lot harder to date. Why? Because men don’t take me seriously. They just want to be “fuck buddies” because they don’t want to be with a woman who has a child. Making lame excuses as to why they can’t deal with it. I’m not saying all men are like this but in this generation, it is very rare to find a man that is mature enough to love a woman and her child who isn’t his. I’m not saying that I am mad at men for it. Everyone has their preference.

                It just sickens me to know that there are women out there who have been raped or battered and a child was conceived and she decided to keep it. Now she has to deal with society judging her for being a single mom without knowing her story. Without society caring enough to learn her story. Or some people knowing her story and still blaming her for it. We all have faults but our faults should not prevent us from finding love.

                I’m okay with being alone. It would be nice for me to find someone to love me the way that I should but the reality of it is, it may not happen. Why? 1. I’m a single mom 2. We are living in an age where everyone wants to “have fun” but nobody wants to be serious. 3. I don’t think I can handle dating and constantly being turned down because I have a child. Dealing with men who feel like I am less than because I come with a package deal. And for that reason, I’m not even trying to date anymore. I don’t want to deal with the drama. Besides, I still need to get myself together. Once I do, I won’t even want to be with anyone. I love myself and that’s all that matters.

I will continue to let people judge me based on a decision that I made and felt was right. I actually accepted a responsibility that women go to abortion clinics to get rid of every single day. I feel that it makes me a lot stronger. I had the choice to take the easy route and I didn’t. My son is a daily reminder of what happened to me but it’s okay, I don’t love him any less. I would much rather be a single mom than be a coward. There are women out there who are using abortion clinics over and over again as birth control, but I don’t judge them for it. So why judge people like me for doing something other people chose not to do? I won't say that I enjoy being a single mom at all times but there are moments where I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have an beautiful and amazing son who irritates the hell out of me sometimes but he is mine. He is one of the smartest kids I have ever met and I'm not just saying that because he is my child. He is on a level of understanding that is beyond his years and it’s frigging awesome to watch him to continue to grow and understand things that most adults cannot. I wouldn’t want it any other way.